Bow Wow All Grown Up!

Bow Wow All Grown Up! Ok, so Bow Wow grew up! He is certainly much better looking; however, his horrific 90's music is still responsible for millions of innocent children going tone-deaf.

Bow Wow All Grown Up!
Time for a disclaimer: This is NOT Bow Wow. It is just some random guy we found on the net.

We were going to go through all the steps on how we did this, but we didn't, unfortunately, this was so boring that it caused a fire in one of the OVH Data Centres. So, to avoid damage to our equipment and the certainty of you falling asleep, we decided to keep it short!

STEP 1

We set up a simple Ubuntu 20.04 server and only the Apache and PHP packages required to run WordPress. We installed WordPress, and the first theme that popped up and was free, then not so much "free" anymore... After setting up our "free" site, we change the time zone, permalinks and removed all plugins, forced a WordPress reinstall and pushed buttons.

STEP 2

We did what we see our clients do and made what we thought was a decent looking site with lots of cool high-resolution pictures.

Like this Boeing 747
And our old buddy Ron! Drinking, "Apple Juice", of course!
Better than lighting up the old crack pipe on live TV
We tested our fantastic site on GTmetrix, we got this!

Now since the OVH incident and the realisation that nobody really cares, we skipped a few steps.

Step 100

We change the URL at some stage to bow-wow, not because we like his horrific music. We did it because this is the "Bow-Wow" package.

This saddened us tremendously because we knew that both Biggy and Pac would have the answers. Eminem was in re-hab or something, and Jay-Z gave all his diamonds to some chick with an unbelievably large bum.

Oh, and we got an F.

Step Something

There isn't enough time, whiskey or words in the world to explain how we got here, however, we did what needed doing, got our site fully loaded in less than one second, and the all-important TTFB (Time to first Byte) down from 2 Seconds to around 300 ms.

The Sky Turned Orange!

We wanted to make sure that we had the right security to protect us from that old Miria Bot! We looked up and the clouds were orange! This could only mean one thing, so we slapped on Cloudflare's afterburners and our final result was a site that loads in less than half a second and a mental TTFB of 70ms.

Which is is 20x faster than this.
Trust me, you won't see it coming.
And a million hundred x faster than him.
Guilty Bro

Check out our WordPress Only sites if this is a bit too hardcore for your requirement!